Love, desire & trauma
kr 250,00 - kr 299,00
Franz Ruppert's book "Love, Lust & Trauma" deals with the dynamics between abuser and victim in psychotrauma, especially how this cycle of damage can be repeated through generations. He shows how parents, who themselves have been exposed to violence or were not wanted as children, often unconsciously recreate their own traumatic experiences towards their own children.
The book explores how these traumas affect individuals and society, and gives practical examples from the therapy. Ruppert argues that it is possible to break out of this vicious circle by confronting and processing one's own traumas, and in that way get a new start.
Preface
What is sexuality? What good and bad qualities does it have? When is sexuality pleasurable and satisfying for those who participate? Why can it become a stressful moment in our lives? Why can it make people addicted? What can turn sexuality into an experience that destroys a person's entire life? Why do some people feel they are in the wrong body and would rather have a different gender?
Sexuality has many biological, psychological, sociological and political dimensions. Sexuality is not only hugely important for the individual and for our intimate relationships. The relationship between the sexes and how we reproduce is important for how we organize society. Ultimately, sexuality is crucial to world politics.
I have written this book because I very often come across sexual psychotrauma in my psychotherapeutic practice. This is a taboo and shameful area where many people are desperately looking for solutions. Gradually, I have developed theoretical background knowledge and a practical method that enables me to help.
My appeal to the public is that the phenomenon of sexual psychotrauma must be taken seriously. I believe that it helps little if we continue to operate with vague categories such as "abuse" or "sexual violence". Our everyday understanding causes us to grope blindly and to moralize far too much. We continue to agonize over the symptoms that keep piling up, instead of looking at the underlying cause. This does not benefit the trauma victims, and it does not help us understand the trauma abusers so that we can get them to stop.
We must understand the complex abuser-victim dynamics within our own psyche, or we remain helpless and completely at their mercy. Only in that way can we take the step out of a society that constantly traumatizes its members, and develop constructive ways of living together (Ruppert 2018). Our sexuality has an enormous creative potential that we can use to give each other a lot of desire and pleasure. But then we have to start living it out without it being heavily burdened with psychotrauma.
I never became a father. In my early twenties it was because I was tired of nappy changes, bottle feeding, potty training and wheeling the pram through the village. I got enough of that with my four siblings. As an elder, I had to help my overburdened mother because she had to take up paid work. When I had moved away from home, I did not want to sacrifice my hard-fought independence for family and children. This course of life, as I had seen it in my parents and relatives, was not something I wanted to emulate.
In my late twenties, my critical awareness grew stronger. Then I didn't want to send children into a world I perceived as extremely threatening. After I had stabilized myself on a personal level and developed further, I was in my forties. Then I tried several times, also with the help of artificial insemination, to become a father anyway. But then it was too late. It was a painful process to acknowledge that.
Today I know that my fear of my own children had deep roots in the fact that it was only luck that got me through my first year of life. I was not welcome with my parents and could only survive the time in my mother's womb by splitting off from myself. I almost died in a traumatizing birth process. My infant cries were violently suppressed. I almost starved to death because I was weaned too early. When I was a toddler, isolation, loneliness and the lack of love of my parents made me almost give up. Therefore, it was ultimately not possible for me to develop my sexuality within the framework of a healthy identity.
I am male and only know this one gender fully. This means that I cannot claim to have a neutral attitude towards sexuality in this book, or to present it in an objective way. Nevertheless, I see myself as a researcher. I am critical of ideologies and believe that facts weigh more heavily than pure opinions and teachings. I hope that I am at least characterized by a basic scientific attitude. I like to discard wrong assumptions in the light of new knowledge, and I allow myself to be convinced by others if they tell me something that gives me a new understanding.
Psychology is a subject science created by psychologists. Each individual subject has their own blind spots. As a practicing psychotherapist, I can at least point to a significant number of empirical case studies with sexually traumatized people. Yet it is clear to me that I cannot see my own blind spots when it comes to sexuality. I have to reflect on my fellow human beings, I need critical discourse, and I need competent psychotherapy. Therefore, every month I carry out an intention work for myself to find out more about my identity. My goal is to be able to live out my sexuality in a way that enables myself and others to create constructive relationships.
When I use the grammatical masculine form in this text, I always refer to both men and women where I have not indicated otherwise. I also refer to people who neither feel belonging to one gender nor the other.
Munich, May 2019
Franz Ruppert